So it’s been a while since I’ve done a blog post…sorry for being MIA!  I had a very good excuse though…I became a mom!  Exactly 1 month ago to this day, I gave birth to my angel Evangeline Noelle Lerit!  I absolutely cannot believe 1 month has already passed since her birth.  In those first few weeks it seemed like time was just at a standstill.  I was so completely overwhelmed with feeding, changing, burping, shushing, not sleeping, and all that comes along with having a baby that I thought I wouldn’t make it.  I spent many hours Googling terms such as “first time mom”, “newborn won’t sleep”, “newborn spit up”, “baby fussy”, “newborn breastfeeding all the time”,  etc etc.  There were days where I felt that maybe I wasn’t cut out for this…that I was too weak and motherhood was just too hard.  I poured my heart out to my nearest & dearest friends who had been through it and they promised me that it would get better.  Their support along with the help of my family and especially Doug is what got me through this first terrifying month.

If you’re a first time mom or going to be one in the near or distant future, I can’t tell you how important it is to have a good support system around you and to be open and honest with those that love you (especially your partner/husband) and tell them that you’re having a hard time.  By opening up to them, you’ll find that you’re not the only one that feels that way.  Many moms that came before you walked in the shoes you’re currently in right now and they felt just as you did.  With each passing day, slowly but surely, things did get a bit easier.  LOL..until they get worse.  What I’ve learned very quickly about babies is that they change so much and just when you think you’ve figured them out, they do something new and have you all confused again.  The good news is, if you’re going through a particularly difficult time, that phase usually doesn’t last very long!  Look at me…here I am giving words of advice when I’m only a month in!  Truth is, I’m still struggling with aspects of new motherhood and know that I will continue to do so for quite some time.  It’s only normal!  My life literally changed overnight from having zero responsibility to being someone’s mom and being responsible for her care, health, nourishment, and emotional well being!  The difference now though is I’m handling things better each day.  As Evie continues to grow, her little personality comes out a little more everyday and when she smiles or coos at me, it makes my heart sing with joy and I forget for a little bit that I’m absolutely terrified of doing wrong by her.

I wanted to share my first month of motherhood here because in the event that you’re a new mom (or know somebody who just became a new mom), I want you to know that you’re not the only one who is scared and overwhelmed.  What helped me so much during those first few weeks was reading stories online about all the other moms out there who also felt like they didn’t have their stuff together and feared that they never would and how with time it did get better…so MUCH better than they ever thought possible and how those first few scary months of motherhood are all a distant memory now :-)

With each passing month, I hope to continue to share my experiences here to not only chronicle my Evie’s growth & development (as well as mine!), but to also help any new mom’s out there who might stumble upon my blog when they Google “first time mom scared” :-)

Of course, I can’t let this day pass without wishing my sweet baby girl Evie a Happy 1 Month Birthday!!!

To my sweet Evangeline:

1 month ago, you entered my world and changed my life forever.  I will never forget that moment when I heard you cry for the first time…I looked to my left to see your dad looking at you laughing with tears in his eyes.  We fell in love with you from the first moment we saw you.  As my doctor laid you on my belly, I stroked your back for the first time and it felt AMAZING!  When you were still in my belly, your back would always be on the right side of my tummy and when you would wiggle inside me when I lay down at night, I would stroke your little back and would imagine how it would feel to do so in “real” life.  Those first moments of your life when you were breathing softly on my chest as your Dad gazed at you and kept telling you over and over again “you are so adorable” have got to be one of the most favorite moments of my whole entire life.

When we took you home from the hospital, I don’t think either of us truly knew what we were in for.  We knew that it would be hard but we didn’t know it would be THAT hard!!!  Your grandma & grandpa came over to help us and I will never forget when they first came inside the house, they both immediately went to the family room to look at you for the first time.  They were in LOVE from the first moment they laid eyes on you and couldn’t wait to hold you.  Grandpa laid you in his lap and just stared at you with the biggest grin on his face.  Each time they came to visit, I could see the happiness in their eyes and I was so happy for them that they had a granddaughter that they could love and watch grow in their golden years.

My sweet baby, although I’ve only been your mom for a month, I get so emotional at the idea that one day you will no longer be my little baby…so helpless and dependent on me.  There are times where I look forward to the day we can have fun little conversations together while I braid your hair, but on the other hand, I find myself overwhelmed with sadness when I look at your pictures from just a few weeks ago and see that you have already grown so much!  In a perfect world, there would be two of you :-)  One of you would stay a little baby forever cooing at me softly when I feed you (I just love the little sweet coos you make!) and the other would grow up to be a funny, smart, loving, and caring young woman following her wildest dreams!

I know there might come a day where you will question if really I love you because I didn’t let you stay out late with your friends or I grounded you because you did something you weren’t supposed to…but I hope one day when you read this, you will realize just how much I love you and just want to protect you from everything that is bad.  I know I will make many mistakes along the way as I figure out my new role as a mom, but I hope you know that I’m trying my best and will continue to do so until my dying day.

I love you so much my little sweet pea!

p.s. don’t grow up too fast! xoxo

Below are some of my favorite pictures from Evie’s first month of life :-)

1 Day Old

Evie passed her hearing test with flying colors!!

Our little pink dragon in her “going home” outfit :-)

I adore this picture!

I got these stickers on Etsy that you can stick on a onesie for Evie’s monthly pictures…what a cool idea!

My little fashionista in the making :-)

Evie making her infamous “furrowed brow” face…for the first 2 weeks of her life she always had a furrowed brow!

Our First Family Photo taken by my dear friend Drew!!!  I absolutely love this image!  You can see more teasers here : Baby Evangeline

Evie’s First Thanksgiving!

Ummm yeah…this didn’t go exactly as I planned :-)

Me & my baby :-)

Evie isn’t sure if she likes her pacie :-)

LOL…I always laugh when I see this picture!  She looks just like her daddy here!

Her first real smile :-)  Everyone says she looks like me here…I think I see the resemblance?  The jury’s still out on that…

My beautiful sweet pea :-)

I can’t help but chuckle every time I look at this…I love my funny little monkey!!

1 Month Old!

I wanted to end this post by thanking my AMAZING husband Doug who has been so incredibly supportive and just the best daddy in the world and helping out whenever he can.  There will never be enough words to express just how grateful I am to have you by my side!  I love you honey and would be so lost without you!

Jasmine Star: You are SO amazing...seeing you as a mom is incredibly beautiful and I couldn't be happier for you and Doug!!! :) December 10, 2012 1:15 pm

LoAnn: Trista, you and Doug did an amazing job, Evie came out so perfect :) you will be an amazing mom, do not worry too much, I know you will google I will see you soon before Xmas :) December 9, 2012 5:53 pm

kristin @ petal and thorn: i'm so proud of you trista! you made it through the first month! i can't believe she's already smiling at you; must be a happy baby :) these months will fly by, believe me! December 8, 2012 7:52 pm

Janet Osborne: I absolutely Loved your post ! You're an amazing wife and an already great mama. It's true all those difficult times do pass and becomes distant memories. I personally feel it's only getting better with each month passing. Happy First month sweet Evie ! Keep up the good work mama. You have a gorgeous family ! December 8, 2012 11:16 am

Drew: I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are doing an amazing job, Trista! Evangeline is so lucky to have you as her Mama! I think anyone that says being a mom is easy is a big, fat liar. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the most rewarding. Just remember that she will only be this little for such a short period of time. Keep up the great work! December 8, 2012 7:38 am

Dana Caffrey: You have a very beautiful and amazing baby! You must be in cloud 9 when you first see her. You're very lucky to have a supportive husband. Congrats! December 8, 2012 6:32 am

Jess: Congratulations! I have been following your blog for a while now but had no idea you knew Drew! (Whom I also follow!) I love your beautiful photos of your new little girl! December 8, 2012 5:56 am

angel swanson: dearest trista -- this was so beautiful!! i am glad you have doug & so many around you to give you support during this time of transition. you know i'm here for you 100%, thinking of you constantly and sending you lots of love. it is so evident to me how much you love your little evie... you are already doing a great job as her mommy and i know she will grow up being so blessed by you. love you honey!!! xoxo December 8, 2012 12:53 am

Katie: Every word rang true for me. I wish our mothers had blogs or other social media back then so we could get a glimpse into their thoughts about us. You look beautiful, Trista, as a woman exuding so much love not only for her gorgeous baby girl, but also for her husband and now for her own self. December 8, 2012 12:02 am

Very last shoot before I become a mom….eeeekkkkkk!!!  So glad I got to share this “milestone” with my good friends Loan & Tony :-)  They are expecting their baby boy Connor just 6 days after my due date!  We are even delivering at the same hospital which makes it even more fun…how awesome would it be if we went into labor at the same time?!  It has been so great having a preggy buddy and texting each other with all of our fun & not so fun pregnancy moments :-)  I cannot wait to meet baby Connor next month…OMG…NEXT MONTH!!!??? Both our pregnancies have just flown by and I’m sure when our little ones are here their first few months will fly by too!  I’m very much looking forward to mommy & me play dates with Loan & Connor…soooo fun!!

Loan & Tony…I’m so happy for you both and I’m looking forward to making many fun memories with our little ones together :-) xoxo

Loan wanted to have some intimate shots of just her & Tony…I loved the outfits she chose!

She is glowing!

One of Loan’s “must have” shots was a silhouette of her & Tony…I love this!  One of my fav’s for sure :-)

She is a beautiful momma :-)

I love her dress!!

Even though she is a momma-to-be she still knows how to “work it” :-)

Every once in awhile an image speaks to me and says “make me black & white”…I’m glad I listened :-)